Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey


As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I finally thought of a way to respond to this fairly thick fantasy novel.

It's something from Shakespeare in which Sir Benedict describes fair Hero after being prodded for his opinion by the lovesick Claudio.

Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little for a great praise: only this commendation I can afford her, that were she other than she is, she were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I do not like her.

Thus the content of this novel is too loose, another word is crude, to be thought of as a classic, too well written and well researched to be dismissed as a trashy romance novel, and too pretentious to be thought of as much fun. It has the flights of fancy and penchant for contrivance of a budding a fourteen year old author, but too well planned to be an erotic whimsy. In essence, the style is epic but the content is catering to the lowest middle aged, sex deprived denominator. Call me a prude, but it's no Dune .

Beautiful courtesan must save her country by bedding enemy and ally alike, told in exquisite detail in 700 pages. Throw in some juicy gossip conveniently renamed as politics, fancy clothes, sword fights, a love story, a crash course in anachronistic pre-modern european history and you have, Kushiel's Dart.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Jim Butcher's Storm Front

So I went to a Jim Butcher reading on Friday and figured I might as well buy a book. It's not every day that you see a New York Times Best Selling author and I should get his autograph. I was already going to spend about 8 bucks on transportation and had dragged one very unwilling, hungry, and grumpy human being along for the ride.
So, who is this Jim Butcher guy anyway?
From the Q&A/ signing, he's a nerd/ dork of the highest order in a lovable, endearing, if-I-drank-beer,-I'd-like-to-drink-with-him sort of guy. (I wouldn't drink with George Bush, just so you know.) Even though I'm fairly sure that he would be open to milk and cookies, too. Not the kind of guy that I'd have coffee with or an in depth conversation about craft or style, but fun, cool, nice, and laidback nevertheless.
So, how was Storm Front?
I liked Storm Front. The title was a little too badass, vague, and abstract for my taste, but i liked the story and besides thumbing through the first thirty pages before the signing, I finished it in one sitting.
It involves a normal guy named Harry Dresden who has fairly normal problems like paying rent, getting laid, and not getting along with his co-workers. Except he's a wizard and he's having trouble paying rent because he hasn't been getting jobs, the only girl who's remotely interested is a tabloid reporter who's milking him for information, and lots of the guys he's working with at the Chicago Police Department think he's a hack, a looney, or both. And on top of it, there's dark magic, murders, drugs, and mafia.
If you're looking for a book in which you weep from the sheer beauty of the prose, then this ain't the book for you. It neither pretends, promises, or delivers literary fireworks. It would impede the plot and detract from the real explosions. Who knows, you might get confused if Jim Butcher included extended metaphors. This is the sort of book you read on planes, while walking, when you're having a bad day, hate men, and want to see a guy roasted over a pit.
The scenes are okay. I had a few quibbles about the characters. Most were decently described, but the good people were a little too good-looking and the bad people were ugly, and the badass people were a little too hot. Toot-toot, the fairy, and Morgan, the scary sword wielding warden are more ridiculous than they need to be. But I was impressed by the plot and as a whole, I've read many worse first novels, some of which did endeavour to be high art.
It's a fast read that doesn't take itself too seriously and neither should its readers.
My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. -Mark Twain
Though, it should be pointed out that not everyone drinks supernatural water.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Don't Play With Your Food

There has been a recent supernatural phenomenon and he is hot! Sometimes sweet, strong, or tortured. Sometimes blond, blue-eyed, with a face of an angel or raven-haired and angsty. He's always impeccably dressed with lots of money and fab abs. He knows how to show a lady a good time and he also subsists on a diet of human blood. What is he? The new and improved vampire, because for some women the perfect man just doesn't exist.
I find this new creature intensely illogical. Why? Why go there? If you must love a monster, why can't he be human? An assasin, a dictator, an evil scientist. And if he must be not human, can he at least not eat people? And if he must eat people, why can't he consume them more figuratively? Take their souls, take their youth, take over their bodies. While blood also has figurative and metaphorical meaning, it also has such physicality. There's the biting and the sucking and the desecration of flesh. There are only two ways to desecrate flesh: the physical and the sexual. Both ways in one being typically means psycho killer. Do I have a problem with vampires being psycho killers? No. Do I have a problem being attracted to psycho killers? YES.
But vampires are obviously very attractive psycho killers. Ladies, really, how do you justify it? There's the distinction between vampires and people. If vampires killed and ate their own kind, that would be something. But to humans, pshaw. That leads to another difficulty, though. Why would vampires want to play with their food? It is so problematic. Try looking at it from their perspective. Why would you be attracted to lesser beings? Don't give me the argument that humans and vampires are on the same level. Me and Wilbur aren't on the same level. Maybe me and Koko would be a better example, but imagine that Koko was edible. And if I thought we were, I'd become vegetarian. There's a host of psychological hurdles about eating sentient beings and the easiest way to get over that is to think that humans are dumb and only fit for consumption. There's also the problem of bestiality, which in even an open-minded society is still an alternative lifestyle. How do you reconcile that and still have a sexually attractive vampire? He has to be A) a freak (actually believes people are equal) B) a monster (he has intimate relations with his food) or C) has such a different psychology and culture that he resists such simplistic categorization.
A) is perhaps the most viable. We, women, always liked men (men-like creature) that went against the grain. It also builds up the potential to have a very tortured, angst-ridden artist of a vampire. But still, why a vampire? Why not a magical person? You know, an elf that doesn't think of me as a steak. Why make it so difficult?